


Changed for the Better

by Anonymous



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Character Development, Character Study, Developing Friendships, Family, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Introspection, Personal Growth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22502404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Natsume muses about his life before and after meeting the Fujiwaras.
Relationships: Fujiwara Shigeru & Fujiwara Touko & Natsume Takashi, Madara "Nyanko-sensei" & Natsume Reiko, Madara "Nyanko-sensei" & Natsume Takashi
Kudos: 30
Collections: anonymous





	Changed for the Better

**Author's Note:**

> _"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good"_

Natsume could divide his life so far into two categories: his life before the Fujiwaras and his current life with the Fujiwaras. To him, meeting the Fujiwara couple was a gift of love and joy that fate had bestowed upon him, and Natsume thought it was too good to be true. However, Natsume was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth and gradually acclimated to the fact that there was a family that would willingly take him in. He convinced himself that this was possible; he clung desperately onto the hope that humans would accept him into their circle.

Before meeting the Fujiwaras, Natsume was always running. He outgrew the childish innocence that came with his youth early on. Instead, he developed a wariness of those around him. He became better at reading other people's expressions and at sensing their emotions. He would often see the kind and gentle looks directed at him transform into those full of pity, disappointment, disdain and even disgust. Nobody else could understand what he saw. When it came to youkai, he could only rely on himself. Natsume knew it wasn't their fault for not understanding him. The sight he possessed was a curse that plagued his ability to fit in. He saw things that others could not. It is difficult to believe in the unseen, and even harder to understand it.

He was always on the run - whether from humans or from spirits. For humans, it was because he did not want to inconvenience them. After having survived years of living with strangers who claimed they were his distant relatives, Natsume learned that the world of youkai and the world of humans were two separate spheres that just happened to overlap and coexist with each other. Once youkai found out that he could see them, they would pursue him relentlessly, completely disregarding the surroundings. It did not help his reputation that Natsume would be forced to leave in the middle of doing something so that he could run away from a youkai that wanted to eat him. But thanks to that, his ability to make excuses improved, and he learned evasion maneuvers such as escaping to shrines.

Ironically enough, it was in this way that he ended up meeting Nyanko-sensei. Natsume was happy beyond words with his current life. Living with the Fujiwaras was like a dream that he never wanted to wake up from. Sometimes Natsume felt overwhelmed with the love that he was now receiving on a daily basis. It made him flustered. He did not know how to respond to such kindness. It made him feel more determined to change himself in order to become worthy of that love. He wanted to become stronger so that he could protect his secret, stronger so that he could protect his newfound family from harm - whether natural or supernatural.

Natsume thought he was well prepared for the youkai interactions to-come with his past experience. He knew to ignore them, and if that didn't work then he knew how to avoid them. If he kept his peers at an arm's length away and didn't get any closer to his classmates than necessary, then the pain of being left behind would hurt less. He didn't like being alone, but Natsume knew that being abandoned by his family and friends hurt even more.

Meeting Nyanko-sensei was a consequence of his life with the Fujiwaras, he thought. Nyanko-sensei was the one who told him about his grandmother's inheritance; he was the only one who would provide him first-hand information of Natsume Reiko. He felt connected to his grandmother because of the youkai world, and it also made him feel less alone. When he wondered why of all people, he had inherited the sight when his parents had not, knowing that his grandmother was the same as him helped to make things, if not a little, more sensical. It gave him hope that he could someday meet other people that were like him, other people who could see what he sees.

Even though Nyanko-sensei persisted to threaten to eat him countless times, Natsume was not bothered by it. He clung to the inheritance from his grandmother, he clung to the "Book of Friends". Natsume wondered what kind of personality Reiko had, to be making friends with youkai. He thought that Nyanko-sensei must have been a close friend of Reiko, and that was probably why he had agreed to look after Natsume and the Book of Friends. Natsume began returning names, and as the memories flowed into his mind, he realized that Reiko had her own quirky way of providing excitement in the usually banal lives of youkai. He realized that youkai too, like humans, have a heart that can feel emotions.

The more encounters and interactions he experienced over his stay with the Fujiwaras, the more things Natsume found that he wanted to protect. He understood the loneliness of those youkai who had involved themselves with humans who possess relatively fleeting lives. Natsume emphathized with them and wanted to protect those lonely hearts - something no one had ever done for him. At the same time, he also became - miraculously - friends with his classmates. These were real life people who accepted him for all his weirdness. After that, there came others: friends with whom he could confide his secret without fear of being rejected. They were all very precious people to him.

Since living wth the Fujiwaras, Takashi has learned to trust others a little more, to be able to trust his love with others. As a result, his friend circle grew with both youkai and with humans. He built bridges that he strongly hopes will never collapse; bonds that he would give his life to protect. He learned to act a little more selfishly. Now, Natsume knows that there are things he wants to do for himself, and not for others.

For himself, he wants to grow stronger yet kinder. For himself, he wants to be able to protect those he cares about. For himself, he wants to stop running away from everyone and everything.

Natsume could divide his life into two categories: before he knew the love and warmth of the Fujiwaras, when he was always sad and lonely; and after he met the Fujiwara couple, where he now spends his days surrounded by loving friends, family, and all those in between. He was no longer alone.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a lyric taken from the track "For Good" from the musical Wicked.


End file.
